I feel I'm always around negativity and in negative situations and when i try to run away from it, it always comes back to bite me. I know at most times i am my worst enemy.
There have been moments when people have put me down and made me feel really crap about myself but i have to think you are always going to be around it, there is no way of getting away from it, people thrive off this, they love to make other people feel poorly about themselves.
I grew up with the poor comments throughout school and then to come into a work area were words are been said from higher management, this is what makes me think, people love to put others down for them to get to the top. I haven't found it any easier growing up but i have tried to shut it off more than i did. At this moment in time, i have felt that it has been difficult for me to forget comments and how I'm meant to continue in the work environment. It puts you down a lot, the confidence i had built last year has dropped a great deal. When the confidence goes, things annoy you more and irritate you. Comments that have been made, stick with you and finding it harder to let go and makes you feel so low about yourself.
Which when i think about it, i got engaged January this year, i should be the happiest girl in the world... Right? Of course i am, things can get to you to the point where you become your lowest....
I want to have that positive energy, that doesn't care what people say and don't show my feelings....... manage your emotions better.... i hear this comment too many times these past couple of months. It hasn't been emotions, i have put so much passion into areas to then see it all fall at my feet. I don't want be in that place any more, i don't think its fair on other people and family members seeing how i've been, they get the stick of it and thats not how it should be.
Music has always been my answer, it has helped me throughout many situations, no it didn't solve things but it has always been a way to relieve stress and even anxiety, it has always helped me not think about things going on, my mind wonders on something else. I laugh at myself sometime because i like to jump in the car and drive, but i put my music on really loud..... Not to look like the cool kids cruising around... But to make me think about something else. I feel i need to sound proof my car ha!
This is my time of letting go, its time for change, i want to strive to become a better person, it isn't going to happen overnight, but this is something i want to work on for myself, give myself time to figure out who i am......